Walmart Moment in the Whole Foods Parking Lot

Ever been in a Walmart when women are screaming at their children, dragging them along and telling them to quit crying before "I give you something to cry about?"  Well imagine that -- then picture me as the Crazed Mom and Heinz as the Kid in Trouble. Then, instead of the Walmart, picture me at the Whole Foods store parking lot.

I had picked Heinz up from doggy prision, where he and Jake had been sentenced to six days because we went to TN for Thanksgiving.  It was cold and dark, and I'd told Don I'd go to Whole Foods to pick up groceries.  But I wanted to take Heinz out, and there's a nice dog store there, so I packed him up, and off we went!

Nice little visit to the dog store, and I left Heinz in the back of my Rav4 while I went to get groceries.  Since I ended up with three bags, I thought, in my infinite wisdom, that I should put the groceries in the back and put Heinz in the front (I harness him to the seat).  So I sat the groceries on the ground, opened the back of the Rav4 and started helping Heinz out. 

As Heinz was coming down over the groceries, he spied a loaf of bread and faster than you can say "oh no!" Heinz had chomped the loaf in a death grip.  I tried to pry his mouth open, while explaining that he just cannot have a loaf of bread wrapped in plastic!  I soon realized that I did indeed look like a maniac, wrestling with Heinz over a loaf of bread in the parking lot!

So I drag him around to the car to the front seat -- his jaws have not loosened one iota.  I get him into the front passenger seat -- and am still wrestling with him, when a women comes by to get in the car next to me.  She looks at me like I am a lunatic -- I can't imagine why!  I explain that the dog has a loaf of bread. She smiles and nods (and I expect goes off to call PETA). 

My efforts to pry the loaf out of his mouth are going nowhere, so I decide that I'll just have to rip the loaf apart.  So I start by ripping off the parts of the loaf that are hanging out both sides of his mouth -- and I throw it into the back of the Rav4.  Then I proceed to dig every possible piece of bread and plastic out of his locked jaws and throw them into the back.  Finally, I think that he will not die from asphixiation from plastic or constipation from bread, and I harness him in and go back to the groceries.

As I come around to the back of my Rav4, I see pieces of bread lying all over the parking lot!  Since I'd left the back open during my wrestling match, all the bread had gone flying out the back!   I had this vision of people walking back to their cars and ducking the pieces of flying bread -- great!

I hurriedly picked it all up, stuffed it into the back of my car and got outta there before PETA showed up!  So, if you hear anyone talking about seeing flying bread this week in the Whole Foods parking lot, they are not making it up!
 

Heinz Finally Is Best in Obedience Class -- At Jumping!

Let's just say Heinz is remarkably like our son when it comes to doing what we ask -- you can see him pondering the question, "What's in it for me?" Unlike Jake the Psycho Sheltie who does have an innate desire to please, Heinz is definitely a GenX dog!

Heel, sit, stay, down, etc. -- he'll randomly obey.  And we missed two weeks of class to go to Hawaii (amazing!).  So, at the end of this week's class, the instructor said, "Let's do something just for fun!".  He took out a low fence used in agility and explained that we'd teach the dogs to jump.  Teach Heinz to Jump?  That's like saying we are going to teach him to breathe!   

The instructor goes over what to do, and asks if anyone wants to try.  No one says anything -- I think they are just shy and no one wants to go first --- So I volunteer!  I go sprinting toward the obstacle, let out the lead and go around it while Heinz goes sailing over!  Perfect!    Yeahhhh Heinz! 

Too Undignified to be English! But Is a Truly Rare American Breed!

Well, apparently Heinz is not an English Cocker mix -- or English Cockers are simply too dignified to have "excited urination problems"!  Turns out that the consensus among both the English and American Cocker crowd is that he is an American Cocker -- but a relatively rare Blue Roan and is probably purebred.  (American Cockers are apparently quite well known for their urination problems -- now's a fine time to find that out!). 

Luckily, his handsome good looks and winning personality made up for a little dribble here and there (and the trainer is helping us!)  Wish us luck!

I'm So Excited, I Could Wet My Pants! Oh, I Don't Have Pants!

Nothing makes Heinz more excited than -- well, anything that involves a leash.  Thus, the mere picking up of the leash is liable to elicit a veritable torrent of excitement at our house!  Now we know why the other family couldn't afford to keep him -- it wasn't the food, it was the industrial size barrels of Nature's Miracle they needed to clean the rugs every time they took him out!

But we aren't as dumb as we look either -- so now we keep the leashes outside!  It's a lot easier to hose down the back deck than our rugs!  So we are now in "desensitization training" with Heinz and the leash, where we repeatedly pick up the leash and touch him.  He pees.  We do it again.  He pees.  We continue this until he stops peeing.  Then we touch him with the leash clip.  He pees. We do it again.  You get the picture. 

Luckily, the leash and greeting me or Don, are the only things that set this off.  The trainer said that some dogs have the amazing ability to roll over on their backs and spray everything around them!  He never does this when he meets strangers, so if you run into us on a walk or at the pet store, don't worry -- your shoes are safe!

Drinking from the Porcelain Fountain!

 

Wow -- isn't this great? There's a giant water bowl in that little room downstairs!  But I don't understand why someone is usually sitting on the water bowl when I go in there.  People are weird.

Who Me? I Didn't Make This Mess!

My side of the story -- a lovely little mess awaited me when I got home this afternoon!  Heinz had managed to somehow get his stubby little legs and lardo-butt up onto the counter and pull down a bag of dog toys!  He proceeded to chew up the paper mostly.  When he tired of that, it looks like he found a mousetrap that Don had neglected to retrieve after Mickey thought he'd found a safe refuge in our house this winter. 

Heinz' side of the story -- Yawwwnnn! That was a nice long nap.  Now what can I do?  I've managed to get the treats out of the treat ball.  I've chewed on my bone. Hmm.  What's the black thing stuck way under the stove.  Smells like peanut butter!  Let's rip that apart and see what's in there!  Well that didn't take long.  Hmmm.  What else is there to do around here?  Sniff, sniff.  Something smells like a tennis ball!  Now how in the world am I supposed to play with the tennis ball if it's in a bag on the counter?  Good thing I've got these really big feet!  I can get some good balance going on here, and oh, oh, I can almost reach the bag!  Oh, oh!  I've got it! Rip, shred! 
Life is good when you are surrounded by dog toys! 

Whose Pink Leash is This and Why is Heinz Tied to the Picnic Table with It?

That was my first thought upon opening the back gate last evening and seeing Heinz doing his best to come greet me!  Hmmm, I thought.  Why would Don tie Heinz to the picnic table?  Hmmm.  We don't have a pink leash. I used what was left of my daily allotment of brainpower to conclude that Heinz must have escaped again and our next door neighbor must have brought him back.  So I put Heinz inside and took the leash next door, only to find out that it wasn't his! 

Don came driving up as I was walking home, so, being the nonjudgemental wife that I am, I immediately asked him why he tied Heinz up in the back yard and where he got a pink leash.  As usual, he looked at me like I had completely lost my mind! 

We scoped out the fence, that he had just fixed, and found the escape route and concluded that some very kindly neighbor had returned Houdini.  She later came by to collect her leash, and I saw her this morning when I was out walking Heinz -- so I thanked her profusely again!  Thanks Beth!  She was surprised to learn that Heinz is 7 -- from his behavior, she thought he was a puppy! 

The back fence has been repaired yet again, and the trainer comes on Friday!  Obedience orientation is tonight!  Can't wait!

The Great Escape!

Imagine our surprise last evening when we returned home from a trek to the outlet mall, only to find our next door neighbor sitting on his front porch, accompanied by none other than Heinz. Hmm.  Yes, not only did he escape from our back yard, but when our neighbor put him in his backyard, he escaped from that as well.  Both of us have had smaller dogs in our backyards, with nary an escapee -- til now!

So Don spent some quality time this afternoon in the 97 degree heat, battling our rosebush for access to the only possible escape route. Don looks like he was in a catfight, but the route of egress has been blocked! 

The Dog Who Snorts Like a Pig!

My side of the story -- Today I was awakened by a ripping sound, followed by pig snorts!  In my dazed stupor, I pulled on my glasses and peered over the side of the bed to see Heinz, who had been freed from crate-tivity by Don, snorting and pulling on the velcro tab of my shoe.  I managed to retrieve my shoe, and get dressed to face the day's adventures!

Heinz's side of the story -- Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy!  Don's coming downstairs to let me out of the crate and feed me!  Oh, crate's opening -- swoosh -- I am out the door, and outside on the deck where my exploding bladder is released!  Not sure why they keep wanting me to go all the way over to grass, but oh well, they can hose down the deck (again!)  Breakfast! Hey, where's that other person who lives here?  Let me go see if she'll play!  Snort, snort, sniff, sniff.  She's up there, but hey, this toy looks like fun, and there's two of them!  Hmm -- what's she doing taking my toy away?  It was in the floor, so it must be a dog toy?  Right?  Oh, she's putting on her shorts -- those are close to floor -- so I can grab those and run, right?  No?  She's getting a shirt off the hangar!  That's getting close to floor -- so that must be a dog toy too?  Right?  No? 

And, thus our day begins!

Our First Week with Heinz -- Our Rescued Cocker Spaniel

We just adopted Heinz, a seven-year old English Cocker Spaniel mix, from the Baltimore Humane Society, last week!  Now why would anyone give up such as loveable sweet-faced dog?  Let me count the ways!  Submissive urination?  No obedience skills?  Comes, if he feels like it?  Thinks our bedspread is a dog toy?

We certainly have our work cut out for us on this sweetheart!  Luckily, his good looks and sweet disposition are irresistable!  I've already called a professional trainer, who'll see us next Friday, and enrolled Heinz in basic obedience!  Wish us luck!

When I called Don from my conference, he said that last night he was in the shower and heard Jake barking up a storm!  Apparently Jake was "tattling" on Heinz who had decided that our bedspread was a dog toy! Luckily, the hole is small and I wasn't too fond of the bedspread!

Six more days until the trainer comes!