Ever been in a Walmart when women are screaming at their children, dragging them along and telling them to quit crying before "I give you something to cry about?" Well imagine that -- then picture me as the Crazed Mom and Heinz as the Kid in Trouble. Then, instead of the Walmart, picture me at the Whole Foods store parking lot.
I had picked Heinz up from doggy prision, where he and Jake had been sentenced to six days because we went to TN for Thanksgiving. It was cold and dark, and I'd told Don I'd go to Whole Foods to pick up groceries. But I wanted to take Heinz out, and there's a nice dog store there, so I packed him up, and off we went!
Nice little visit to the dog store, and I left Heinz in the back of my Rav4 while I went to get groceries. Since I ended up with three bags, I thought, in my infinite wisdom, that I should put the groceries in the back and put Heinz in the front (I harness him to the seat). So I sat the groceries on the ground, opened the back of the Rav4 and started helping Heinz out.
As Heinz was coming down over the groceries, he spied a loaf of bread and faster than you can say "oh no!" Heinz had chomped the loaf in a death grip. I tried to pry his mouth open, while explaining that he just cannot have a loaf of bread wrapped in plastic! I soon realized that I did indeed look like a maniac, wrestling with Heinz over a loaf of bread in the parking lot!
So I drag him around to the car to the front seat -- his jaws have not loosened one iota. I get him into the front passenger seat -- and am still wrestling with him, when a women comes by to get in the car next to me. She looks at me like I am a lunatic -- I can't imagine why! I explain that the dog has a loaf of bread. She smiles and nods (and I expect goes off to call PETA).
My efforts to pry the loaf out of his mouth are going nowhere, so I decide that I'll just have to rip the loaf apart. So I start by ripping off the parts of the loaf that are hanging out both sides of his mouth -- and I throw it into the back of the Rav4. Then I proceed to dig every possible piece of bread and plastic out of his locked jaws and throw them into the back. Finally, I think that he will not die from asphixiation from plastic or constipation from bread, and I harness him in and go back to the groceries.
As I come around to the back of my Rav4, I see pieces of bread lying all over the parking lot! Since I'd left the back open during my wrestling match, all the bread had gone flying out the back! I had this vision of people walking back to their cars and ducking the pieces of flying bread -- great!
I hurriedly picked it all up, stuffed it into the back of my car and got outta there before PETA showed up! So, if you hear anyone talking about seeing flying bread this week in the Whole Foods parking lot, they are not making it up!
